It’s not you. Is it me?

With the inspiration of Valentine’s Day coming within a couple of days, I decided I should speak a ton more about love and relationships. 

Mom. Dad. Society. Our friends. Men. Social media. Movies. And sadly most times ourselves. What happens when all these elements combined sum up the conviction that I am the problem in my personal and affective relationships?

A few days ago I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she insisted she was going to introduce me to a guy who was supposedly perfect for me as she said he matched my personality. She said he talked him into it and he was very excited of meeting me in a couple of days. I saw his picture and yes he was somekind of cute. When the day finally came (yes, Super Bowl Sunday ) somehow I was a bit nervous because no one really sets me up with their guy friends because they know me and I am actually a pretty interesting specimen haha. Well… The point is that when I came to choose my outfit one malevolent thought came into my mind… Should I wear me? Or should I dress for him? Yes, women as courageous as myself sometimes stop to think about this, because we all know men have their particularities on styling matters: they want (or mostly what they infer) is a perfect pretty girl. So funky fashions, extravagant heels and pastel colored lipsticks are never on the menu. I have done this before, when I go out in dates where I plan my outfit to be as simple and charming as Audrey Hepburn… And sadly this is not me. Yes, I am bold. Yes, I love colors and prints and neon and killer heels and spikes and studs and well I mostly wear a mixture of that most of the time. I am a very eclectic person when it comes to style. And somehow it is a problem, or so they say. One more thing: I am tall. So, since I was about 13 my mom (sorry if you’re reading this but it is the truth) told me that I should not wear high heels because I am already tall because and I quote her “where are you gonna find a man that tall?”. And yes this summed up to my bold fashion sense and my Sasha fierce attitude as I wall makes me look as an unreachable woman to men. What is it that I mean? Yes, that men find themselves intimidated by my whole being. And actually I have to come to see that in some part it is true. And those kind of men are not the kind-of-guy that I would like to have by my side. So, going back to my story… I decided that if I was going to meet this guy I’d prefer to be myself and if he likes me good and if he doesn’t it’s fine because I am very much of a woman for a man who will be frightened by my own empowerment. So I chose a Barbie chic punk-ish outfit and I went over my agenda. Oh… And don’t forget my perfect gorgeous pair of sky high iridescent pointy stilettos to finish my look (shoegasm!!). I met the guy and he was ahhh.. Not that much of a perfect match for my personality. He behaved unexpectedly, but as I mentioned in my last post, aren’t men always like that? And in the end I had not the experience that I expected. So when talking to my girlfriend about it she said that maybe I scared him with my BOLD personality. And I probably think that was true. So… It got me thinking again.. Do we women… Need to loose our own bold and unique personalities for the sake of being in a relationship? Does it really overcompensate the fact that we need to loose or lower our empowerment ( that’s why I am going to talk about #powerwomen in the next post) over a “stable” relationship? Really, have we come to this after all that we have been fighting for? I say no. I say I am who I am and I am terribly and excrutiatingly in love with myself and no man deserves the right to take that away from me. I did it once and believe me, it was not worth it. So, I encourage you to be yourselves and only living by that unexpectedly a man will come into your lives.. The right man who will be blown away from the unique universe of a woman you are.

Elie Banks

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