Choose one. Love or friendship?

Yeah yeah… A couple of days past the drama of the most beloved and hated festivity of the year: Valentine’s Day I have come up with my resolutions. And I got really deep by asking myself, If I were to choose between  love or friendship, what would I choose?

Well.. first of all, let’s talk crude and simple honesty. Love. Before you think of anyone else think of you. Really. Think. Do you love yourself? If the answer is yes, perfect. You can move on the next question. If it’s no, my advice is you need to take time to look deep inside you and rethink why that is missing, because as I’ve said before, if you are not able to love yourself neither you can love anyone else or be truly loved by someone else. So… Self love… Check. Remember.You come first, then you, and after all you. No. I am not a narcisist. It is just that, well (and I will talk from my point of view and side, yes… the feminist side) we girls/women/gals have always been taught that we should present ourselves to men and to the world in our best selves, but actually that is not the truth. We have been to taught how to dress, act, speak, dance, etc, etc, etc, to please men. Yes… and if you are a guy and you feel offended… honey… remember it’s not all about you. Women since the beginning of times was dissposed as men would be the master. And we are equals… but let’s not get into that matter…I’ll talk about that in another post.

Well.. So as we are supposed to act a pre-planned way, we have always been insecure of showing or letting our true self out. That’s the issue. We have been told to be pretty, we have been told to be skinny, to be pretty, to be submissive to men. To listen and not speak. Those days are gone now. It is up to us. So.. If you have been letting your parents, your family, friends, or your boyfriend (in the worst case) the chance to choose who you are. You need to stop and listen to your heart. Think about what you like and what makes you happy. Only by focussing your efforts to do that and to be yourself you will be truly and madly inlove with yourself.

Step 2. After loving yourself, you start bumping with people who actually like the real you, who value your self-worth as a person, who you can trust and who support you in the good times and the bad. Yes, they are your friends. And actually I think people underestimate friendship, because it is actually one of the biggest forms of love there are. And whe you think about it, if you have real friends they will last forever.

And last but not least.. step 3. Love love. Couple’s love. Ryan Gosling Notebook-style-ish love. Do we love fairytales? Yes. We do love romance, we are women for the love of God, and men too like romance as well. The feeling of goosebumps and butterflies in your stomach is something cannot be compared to anything else. Finding your soul mate, that person who will give anything for you. Yes. That is perfection. But what if you seem to be lost in a sea full of dead fish ( meaning, men or women who don’t really fit you)? Does that mean you are going to live your life alone forever like an old maid? (Cha cha chaaaa!!) Nope. Times are perfect. And as I have been tired of answering the typical question of why don’t have a boyfriend, I have decided that as Samantha ( Sex and the City reference) said one time “I love you, but I love me more”. So I decided to give myself the gift of a year by myself. Because I am too tired of believing in men, and I love myself more, I love my career more, and when the time is right someone will come along, and it won’t be me who will be looking for him anymore. And actually besides that, I have truly wonderful friends, whom I love very much. And remember sisters come before misters. So.. my advice is.. love yourself, if you have found somebody love them passionately and enjoy their company, value your friends because they will be beside you comes what may come, and if you are by yourself like me, don’t worry you know we have better things to do than waiting on a knight in a shinning armor to come along to rescue us, as we are our own  knights in a shinning armor.

Elie Banks

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